d and me
Life

The fatty not in the photograph

I love looking at old photographs from my childhood. Even though I have hazy or non-existent memories of the captured image, I really enjoy seeing how happy I was with my family and my favourite photographs are those of me with loved ones. This is especially important for me now that some of them have died. A photograph of us together is precious.

I want my daughter to be able to look back on her life with the people she loves. So I take lots and lots of photographs- most of them on my phone but the quality is passable enough. The feelings and atmosphere are still captured.

Printing out the photographs for my daughter’s album I’ve noticed a recurring theme. A distinct lack of me! I have photographs of her with every single member of the family. There are hundreds of her with her dad- some posed others candid. Yet the ones of me and her are few and far between. Although I have photographed her daily, I am a little sad to think there are not many pictures of us both in the early days.

Partly this is because my OH is a bit rubbish at taking pictures just for the sake of it, whereas I will snap pics of them doing even mundane things like watching tv whilst she naps on him. But another part of it is that I’m just not very happy with post-baby me.

I have never been in amazing shape, however since the initial dramatic weight loss in the first few weeks after having her I have now gained so much weight that I feel like a human balloon. One made of lead. With arms. Giant arms. And the last thing I want is photo evidence of this.

So I shy away from having my photo taken. I crop myself and my arms out of things so I’m just a pattern in the background. I take a ‘selfie’ from a flattering angle. Or more often than not, I just delete them.

I felt really sad about the lack of me when really I have been the main thing in her entire life so far! Obviously her dad is a close second, but you know what I mean. I’m the one who is with her basically 24 hours in the day. She sleeps by my head in her crib. She wakes up to me saying “good morning!” every single day. I feed her, change her, take her to places. And even though I will remember these lovely first few months of mum and sproggy time, she will have no memory of it.

And how lovely would it be for her to be able to look at baby photographs that have both her and her mum in? Yet there won’t be many because I’ll have been on the other side of the camera waiting to lose weight before I’ll cement a moment in time with my daughter. How ridiculous is that?!

So I’ve decided that I will make more effort to be in photographs with her. And of the 3 of us. Even though I might look back in years to come and think how awful I look, I would rather have something to look back on with her that evokes good memories than nothing at all. Because chances are she won’t see the same things I do like a lack of a proper jawline and wings for arms- she’ll see a photograph of her with her mummy having a great time!

 

A Mum Track Mind

Hello! I’m Lauren. I’m 31 year old mum. I hope you enjoy my blog- feel free to comment on here or you can contact me on social media (links are somewhere near the top of the page) - I’m always up for a chat!

4 Comments

  • Good! We shouldn’t be so hard on ourselves (I’m just as bad) and she will cherish the photos with you in, especially when one day (many many years from now) you are no longer with her. I could do with taking more of the 3 of us too x

    Reply
  • It’s funny how we end up taking SO many photos of baby and everyone else that there is always hardly any photo of baby and mummy. I noticed this in the first few months of baby K’s life as well, looking back on photos of him he’s either alone or with every other member of my family! So now I’ve resorted to selfies as like your other half mine is useless at taking photos just because! I hope you take loads and loads, I know sometimes we can feel a bit blah about ourselves but that’s not what matters to our kids as eventually that’s all that will be left of our memories, pictures and videos. I’ve also decided recently to make an extra effort to video record baby K using our actual camera rather than my phone. Happy snapping x #fortheloveofBLOG

    Reply
  • I’m the same lovely, all my pictures of my little one are with her Dad (my husband). Just like you that’s because I’m the one taking the pictures. I don’t think I know a single Mum who is happy with the way that they look, please don’t let that get in the way of creating those photographic memories with you and your daughter. Having read your post I’m also going to start having more pics with my little girl, she is growing up so quickly right now, and we need to capture these moments – it’s sad that she’s no longer a little baby anymore. Thanks so much for sharing this lovely post with us at #fortheloveofBLOG this week. Claire x

    Reply
    • Thank you for taking the time to write such a lovely comment. I worried that maybe I sounded a bit downbeat but thought that I might as well be honest. I do find it hard when I look at pictures and see a version of me that I don’t recognise! But I want to be present in our memories so have definitely made more effort this week to be in photographs and will continue to. Thanks for hosting #fortheloveofBLOG I really enjoy linking and reading all the posts.x

      Reply

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